Win Some, Lose Some

I'm kinda in one of my stuck moments right now, so I have decided to tell you all what's going on. So today started out exciting with me looking forward to going to the mall with my mom and grandma. I was so pumped and I begged my mom to take us all week. I was a little anxious going out the door this morning, which I had expected since I was going out for an entire day for the first time in awhile. We went and picked my grandma up, and I could feel my stomach starting to feel funny in the car. I had just eaten breakfast, so I comforted myself with that reasoning. When we got to the mall, I could feel the anxiety start to build but, damn it, I was determined to cope. We went in one of my favorite stores, which helped me calm down and then we continued to walk around the mall. After a little while, my grandma needed to sit down, so we went and sat at a rest area outside of JCPenny. It was then that my mind was no longer entertained and thinking errors (false thoughts about my stomach) started to take over my brain. I couldn't check because I was in public and I didn't want other people to hear. I also wanted to challenge myself to refrain from checking. My mom could tell I was anxious, not only by the way I couldn't sit still, but by the few times I snuck a "will I be ok?" in in private. There was a store we wanted to go to outside of the mall, so we started walking out to the car. I could feel my stomach bubbling and getting acidy from the anxiety. I am also probably hungry. We went to the store outside of the mall and when we were done there, we were planning on going to some stores back more towards my house. I felt I  needed a break, so we decided that my mom would take my grandma to those other stores and I could come home to relax. Currently, that is what's happening. Mom and grandma are out shopping and I came home and took an Ativan so that hopefully I can go back to my grandma's for dinner. I feel a little disappointed that I couldn't go to the stores around my house with them. I feel like my worries sort of won that battle, although my doctor said I may get anxious going out. I just have to remind myself that this was a BIG step and I did pretty well considering what I have been going through lately. I made it to Lord and Taylor, Harry and David,a sports store, MAC, Nordstrom, Hallmark, Icing, Claire's, JCPenny and to get bubble tea. I challenged myself with all of that and I WON those battles. That's what I choose to focus on. The Paxil is beginning to work a little and soon, I will start feeling more effects of it and feel less anxious. I'm focusing on praising God during what I'm going through right now and I look forward to getting better! Thanks for reading!